I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
