I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
