yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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