My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
