How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
