Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
