make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
