4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
they need to just BURY HIM!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
