I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
