there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
