Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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