Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
