you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
