My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
