omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
