Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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