I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
