Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
