today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
