I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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