When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
