Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
