I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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