The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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