How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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