God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
