Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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