thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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