He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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