the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
