I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
