I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
