it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
