Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
