I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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