i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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