Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
