Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
