Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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