the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
