i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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