Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
