I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
