dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
