those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
