Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
