Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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