That's intense
Don't make out with my wife yet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
