I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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