You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
